Erik Lehnsherr's Hogwarts Survival Guide
by WingedWolf121
Summary: Features handy tips for dealing with oddball professors, dragons and other magical beasts, unfortunate homework assignments, and best friends who might be a just a little bit mental. Erik/Charles (preslash)
1. Chapter 1

**Erik Lehnsherr's Hogwarts Survival Guide: Year 1**

**Summary: Featuring handy tips for dealing with oddball professors, dragons and other magical beasts, unfortunate homework assignments, and best friends who might be just a little bit mental. Erik/Charles (preslash).**

**A/N: Wow, I have not posted in a billion years. **

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**1\. DON'T immediately assume your special messenger is a nutter.**

_St. Brutus's Secure Center for Incurably Criminal Boys_

_July 31st_

_The room at the corner with the tall window_

Erik was sitting on his bed, doing nothing in particular. Doing nothing in particular was his hobby during summer months. Well, it was one of his hobbies. The other hobby, getting into trouble, was frowned on by the head matron. Besides, most of his peers were currently getting into trouble, and Erik disliked conforming.

Erik was idly considering perhaps finding some trouble anyway out of sheer boredom when one of the strangest looking men he'd ever seen walked into the room.

He wasn't particularly tall, but he was muscled, with a weather-beaten face that gave the impression of a man who spent a lot of time in the country.

The man was dressed in large leather biker boots, skinny jeans, and a Hawaiian shirt, which was all highly at odds with his fierce expression.

"What do you want?" Erik asked, wondering why it was that even when he hadn't made the conscious decision to get into trouble, trouble waltzed into his room in gaudy floral print.

"Erik Lehnsherr?"

"That's me." Erik said warily.

"My name's Professor Logan." The man pulled letter from his jeans pocket and handed it to Erik. "I've been sent by the Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry to deliver your acceptance letter to you in person."

Erik stared at the yellowed envelope for perhaps ten seconds.

"Who sent you? If it was Cobbs, I swear-"

"Cobbs another boy here you fight with?" Professor Logan, _if_ that was his real name, asked.

"He's the one who paid you." Erik said coldly, not getting up and taking the letter. "Now get out."

"Nah, don't think I'm gonna take orders from the eleven year old." Professor Logan said.

Professor Logan was about twice Erik's size. But Erik hadn't backed down from a fight in at least three years, and he scrambled to his feet, fists raised and scowl in place. "Look, if you don't get out of my room-"

"Hope you don't plan on fistfighting at Hogwarts. You'll get yourself hexed in the first week." Logan said.

"Hexed?" Erik glared at him, not lowering his fists. He wasn't about to get suckerpunched.

"A debilitatin' spell cast by your enemies. Which I'm figuring you tend to attract." Logan said.

"Spell." Erik deadpanned. "This is dumb even by Cobb's standards."

"You're a wizard, bub." Professor Logan glanced around them. "Mind if I smoke?"

Great. The head matron finally cracked and let in a madman. "Go ahead."

"I'm not mad." Professor Logan said. He'd obviously caught Erik's look. "You're not mad either, just to let you know."

"I know that." Erik said, nettled.

"You sure?" Logan asked. He took out a large and smelly cigar-Erik couldn't see from where-and placed it between his lips. Erik stared as he then proceeded to pull a stick from his boot and light the tip of the cigar with it. Professor Logan took a long draw and sighed, blowing a smoke ring. "Ahh. Dumbledore never lets me smoke inside the castle, says the air's thick enough with a thousand young magic folks about."

"How did you do that?" Erik said, unable to take his eyes off the faintly glowing cigar tip.

"Magic." Logan said calmly.

"There's no such thing." Erik said vehemently.

"Really? You never did anything...strange?" Logan blew another ring. This one formed into the shape of a large bird before dissipating. "Nothing a bit odd that got you into some bad trouble?"

Erik scowled. "No."

"Really? Because you don't like the 'incurably criminal' type. Least, Dumbledore thinks you aren't, which is why he's lettin' you in after that wrecking incident." Logan eyed him. "I won't lie to you Lehnsherr, not many students manage to bring down a building before they've even got to Hogwarts."

"That's wasn't me!" Erik started forward, ready to start punching, size difference be damned.

"Sure it wasn't." Logan raised a placating hand. "Stop worryin', kid. No one at Hogwarts needs to know about you landing yourself in a center, and you'll have new professors, without the bias."

"I can't be a wizard." Erik said, lowering his fists. If he was a wizard, he wouldn't be living here.

"Your name's been on our list since you were born." Logan said bluntly.

"What?"

"Magic ain't something that springs up at random when you turn eleven, it's just part of you." Logan pointed his cigar at Erik. "And it's in your blood. Your Mum was a witch."

"No, she wasn't." Erik said forcefully.

"You'll have to get over the habit of arguing with professors if you want to stay outta trouble at Hogwarts." Logan said. "Assuming you want t' go, no one's forcing you."

"I don't have any money." Erik said. He was desperate to ask about his mother, and how his mother could be a witch when the first eight years of his life had been perfectly ordinary, but he restrained himself.

"There's a scholarship fund." Logan said, again pulling an object of nowhere. This time it was a large bag of what looked like gold coins. "Galleons. Wizard money. We can go get your supplies in Diagon Alley right now."

"Won't the matron..."

"Matron's been confunded." Logan said. "She'll let you leave."

Leave. Erik felt a very strange feeling, rather like a bunch of winds whirling around his ribcage, engulf him. "Fine then."

"Fine then, sir." Professor Logan said. "I'll take you around to Ollivanders and whatnot, and the secondhand shops."

"Uh-huh." Erik said, already planning to ditch the man as soon as they were in 'Diagon Alley' and explore this for himself.

**A/N: Review? Pretty please?**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews!**

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DON'T take advice on buying school supplies from people who clearly have book fetishes.

"Ooof!" Erik staggered backwards, dropping both his list and the copy of _Miranda Goshawk's Standard Book of Spells_ he'd managed to find in the chaos that was Flourish and Blotts.

...was it normal in the Wizarding World to be attacked by large columns of books?

Erik quickly realized that what had bumped into him was not a column of books, but another boy, who was down sitting on the floor with his books lying around him haphazardly, smiling sheepishly up at Erik.

"Sorry about that." The boy rolled to his knees and began picking up books.

Erik grunted something incomprehensible, and watched the other boy pick up his books. As he wasn't the one who'd been dumb enough to carry a stack of books higher than he was tall, he wasn't inclined to help.

_The Standard Book of Spells by Miranda Goshawk_

_A History of Magic by Bathilda Bagshot_

_Basic Hexes For the Busy and Vexed by Batholemew Bansheti_

_Armando Dippet: Master or Moron? by Rita Skeeter_

_Hogwarts, A History by Bathilda Bagshot_

_Merpeople : A Comprehensive Guide to Their Language and Customs by Dylan Marwood_

"Are you going to Hogwarts?" The boy asked. Clearly, he'd been eyeing the books in Erik's arms as well.

"Yes." Erik said. "You?"

"Oh, yes!" The boy gathered up the rest of his books (Erik caught a glimpse of _Great Wizarding Events of the Twentieth Century _and _Olde And Forgotten Bewitchments and Charms_, and wondered with a slight panic whether he was supposed to be getting ten or twelve books like this student, not the eight or so mentioned on the supplies list). "My first year, actually, so of course I'm stocking up on all of the magical theory books I can get that I haven't already read-did you know there are merpeople in the lake? Fascinating, isn't it?"

Erik hadn't been aware that there was a lake. "Er."

"Have you gotten all the books on your list?" The boy asked, noticing that Erik had two books in his arms.

"No, the shop is a bit..." Erik glanced around, at the flurry of what must have been prospective Hogwarts students combined with an assortment of other witches and wizards who'd been foolish enough to go shopping today.

"Chaotic?" The other boy suggested with a grin. He put his stack of books down and began pulling out some of the thinner volumes. "Here, take mine."

"I'm not-" The boy piled them into Erik's arms, ignoring his protests.

"I come in here all the time, I'm great at navigating the crowds." The boy said. "Besides, if I have to go back into the fray to find those books again, it gives me an excuse to browse some more and pick out a couple more books that are essential to my education."

"Are all of those essential then?" Erik asked dryly, looking at stack the other boy was now struggling to lift.

"Yes!" The boy grinned. "Well, perhaps not, but you can't come into this place and only buy exactly what's on the list."

Erik had been planning to do exactly that. "You can't?"

"No!" The boy protested, looking like he would have made a wild hand gesture, had he not been loaded down with books. "I mean, I'll admit that purchasing _The Invisible Book of Invisibility_ wasn't my wisest choice, but everything here is _so_ interesting, and..." The boy stopped talking, looking sheepish. "Sorry. I tend to ramble."

"You're from a wizard family, then?" Erik asked.

"Oh, yes, not that it's at all important. Charles Xavier." He stuck out a hand.

"Erik Lehnsherr." Erik shook it.

"I don't think I know any Lehnsherrs." Charles commented, looking interested.

_Oh, and you know everyone?_ Erik bit down on his words. "Grew up with muggles."

"Oh, does that mean you understand muggle things?" Charles asked eagerly. "Because I keep trying to ask, but none of the wizards seem to know-what _is_ a blow dryer?"

After five minutes of interrogation about screwdrivers, showers, escalators and how the underground worked, Charles seemed to realize that Erik was staring at him in disbelief.

"But, ah." Charles coughed. "I ought to go find new copies of those books and go give my contribution to Flourish and Blotts staying open a bit longer, so I suppose I'll see you at Hogwarts."

"Right." Erik watched Charles disappear into the stacks, and went about paying for the books Charles had given him, in addition to a few books he picked off the shelves that looked handy (_Magical Moral Perspective, Enchantment in Baking_ and _Curses and Countercurses_ _(Bewitch your Friends and Befuddle your Enemies with the Latest Revenges: Hair Loss, Jelly Legs, Tongue-Tying and much, much, more_).)

Upon leaving the shop, breathing in fresh air, and realizing that at least two of the books he'd bought were probably useless, Erik realized that ditching Logan might not have been his wisest move.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Very, very deep thanks to the lovely anon who reminded me to update! I swear, I'll start doing it consistently.**

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**3\. DON'T take life advice from anyone wearing a Hawaiian shirt. **

"If you wanted to shop alone, ya could've just asked."

Erik jumped. "When-"

"I'm a wizard, kid." Logan uncrossed his arms. He'd been leaning against the wall outside of Ollivanders, and somehow looked far more natural in a coat made of some type of animal fur. "Think I can't find one eleven year old?"

"I was getting on fine on my own." Erik had his wand, and he'd purchased his books and most of the necessary potions supplies.

"If you hadn't been, I'd've stopped you." Logan said. "Come have a drink with me, Lehnsherr."

Erik followed him warily, clutching his new wand and his other assorted supplies. Logan brought him to Florean Fortescue's Ice-Cream Parlor, and proceeding to buy Erik the largest ice cream he'd ever seen. Erik poked at it with a spoon while Logan dug a fork into an ambrosia-colored bowl of ice cream which smelled rather like the matron after a particularly long day.

"It's not poison." Logan said.

Erik took a careful bite. To his disgust, it was the best ice-cream he'd ever had. Not that he'd had an overly large amount in the last few years.

"See, Lehnsherr." Logan pointed his fork at Erik. "You gotta understand something before you get to Hogwarts."

"Don't break the rules?" Erik muttered.

"As a Professor, I'm obligated t' tell you that. No, what I wanted to say is that you're not that tough." Erik glared at him. "Kid, you seem smart. Smart enough to disappear while my back was turned anyway, which not a lot of kids can get away with. But you ain't smart enough to recognize a good thing."

"What's that mean?"

"That means you're hungry, I bought you an ice cream sundae and you're refusing to eat it." Logan snorted. "So you've got the paranoia bit down, which might come in handy at Hogwarts. There's ghosts and poltergeists and all manner of creatures there that you oughtta be wary of."

Erik's ears pricked up.

"But point bein', there's also a peck of students who've never met you, and don't know nothing about your tendency to destabilize buildings and pick fights when you get bored."

Erik scowled at the melting ice-cream. He didn't _pick_ fights.

"Or maybe you don't try to get into fights. It's none of my business unless you get it into your heads to mess up the grounds or take Care of Magical Creatures, in which case you and me might need to have a disciplinary sorta talk." Logan took another bite of ice-cream. "So think a bit about how you want t' come into Hogwarts, cause it sure won't be hard to find yourself some trouble. But you don't have any obligations to get into it, if you get my meaning."

"Sort of." Erik stared at his ice-cream.

"If it's independence you want, you'll be in luck." Logan added. "I'll give you directions for gettin' on the train to Hogwarts if you'd rather go alone, and won't mind it, I've got my own work to do at the school. But give the new leaf concept a bit o' thought."

"I will." Erik said.

"Here." Logan tossed a few coins on the table. "You can find your way back to your muggle place on your own?"

"Yeah."

"Well, if you need anything, I'll be havin' a drink in the Leaky Cauldron with some goblins." Logan glanced over his supplies. "Got a passion for baking?"

Erik scowled. Logan snickered and left, waving to the owner of the store on his way out.

Erik began to eat his sundae, and contemplate what Logan had said about ghosts.

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**A/N: Review?**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: swear to god I need to put an update reminder on my phone or something I meant to post this chapter last week**

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**4\. DON'T believe everything you hear on the Hogwarts Express.**

Being a wizard really didn't solve all of Erik's problems.

Particularly the problem of him being eleven years old and his trunk being crammed full of large books. Erik dropped it on his toe again and swore, wishing he knew a spell to make it float. He'd read up on it in some of his books, but he hadn't dared practice waving a wand around in the human-no, _muggle_-world.

"Here." said a crisp, authoritative voice at his side, and a blonde girl waved him away from his trunk. Erik's first instinct was to tell her to mind her own business. He restrained it. "Christ, you've got some heavy books in here."

"Apparently." Erik muttered.

The girl glanced around furtively. She was obviously in an older year, and at least a head taller than Erik. She also had a shiny badge pinned to her sweater, with a gold P on it. "_Wingardium Leviosa_."

She flicked her wand, and Erik's trunk floated onto the train. "

Thanks." Erik said, looking in some fascination at her wand.

"Don't tell any other prefects I was using magic at the station, and we'll be even." She checked her watch. Erik realized that the watch showed a moving model of the solar system. "You have any idea which house you're headed to?"

"No." Erik said honestly.

"Well, hope it isn't Gryffindor or Hufflepuff." She said dryly.

Erik would've very much liked to know what was wrong with Gryffindor and Hufflepuff, but the girl hurried off to a group of other older students with P badges before he could work up the nerve to ask.

Well, at least his bag was on the train. Erik climbed into the train after it and began walking down the corridor, looking for an empty compartment. He found one at the very end and settled down with his back against the wall and his feet on the seat. He could spend the journey reading up on the houses and decide which one he wanted to be in, just as long as no one disturbed him.

He was, of course, disturbed. But only by two other older boys, who, after a question of "Hey, d'you mind if we sit?" was answered with a negative grunt, settled themselves in the opposite corner and played a game where the cards exploded.

Erik pretended to read and spent the entire train ride listening in on their conversation.

Mostly, it confused him. First there was a great deal of animated chatter about something called "Quidditch", which Erik knew existed but didn't understand (apparently canons which shot _chud_ were mixed up in it), then some discussion of various teachers, including speculation as to whether or not "Trelawney" and "McGonagall" were having an affair, and other gossip.

Erik found himself listening to them with much more interest than he'd had in _Hogwarts, A History._

"So anyway, I want to see if Nick actually gets into the Headless Horseman's League this year-"

"Please, they won't let him in." One of them, a somewhat outrageously muscular boy with short black hair, rolled his eyes. "He's only nearly headless, remember?"

"Still..."

"How can you be nearly headless?" Erik interrupted.

They both looked at him as if they'd forgotten he was there.

"Well..." The other one began, then frowned. "Piotr, you explain it."

"He's _your_ house ghost." Piotr said.

"Fair enough." The other boy turned to Erik. "I'm Darwin, by the way. Gryffindor Prefect. Piotr is a Hufflepuff."

"Mmmhm." Erik made a mental note to not trust them.

"Someone tried to decapitate Sir Nicholas Flimsy Pompington a few hundred years back with an axe, but it was blunt, so his head is still hanging there. By less than half an inch of skin. Ask him for the story, he'll be glad to talk about it. I think ghosts consider their deathstories flattering." Darwin shrugged.

"Oh." Erik said. "Does every house have a ghost?"

"Yep. The Grey Lady, The Fat Friar, and the Bloody Baron, but don't ask that one anything." Darwin grimaced.

Erik privately thought that the death story of anyone called the Bloody Baron was bound to be fascinating.

"Oh, hell, Darwin." Piotr was looking out the window. "We're nearly at Hogwarts, we better get changed."

"But the sweet cart never..." Darwin looked momentarily confused.

Erik debated whether or not to tell them that a plump witch had gone by, and neither of them had noticed, being too absorbed in the exploding card game and wondering whether McGonagall was just putting up a front with all of her anti-Divination talk. He decided to not bother, as it was likely he'd end up being punched. In which case he would have to retaliate, and the whole new leaf thing would get chucked out the window.

Probably at the same speed at which he'd get chucked out of Hogwarts, for that matter. Erik yanked on his robes with the other two boys and looked out the window. There were carriages there, pulled by strange black horses that didn't seem to have wings.

"What are those?" Erik asked.

"Just the horseless carriages." Piotr said, glancing out. "You'll be taking boats in, don't bother with them."

Erik wasn't surprised that those black things didn't count as horses. Darwin and Janos waved him off towards Logan, who was wearing the same animal skin coat and holding a tall lantern.

"First years! This way, you go by boat!" Erik hurried after him, down the path to an enormous lake, with a surface that looked like a pane of glass.

"The lake's older than the castle." He heard a familiar voice say. Erik glanced around and saw Charles climbing into a boat, apparently lecturing everyone within earshot. "There are rumors of a giant squid, and merpeople, in addition to grindylows, and some poisonous plants which I do hope we get to harvest in Herbology..."

Most of the other first years looked a bit horrified. Erik found himself wanting to laugh.

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**A/N: McGonagall/Trelawney otp5ever sorry not sorry**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Guess who started college that's right me. Just letting everyone know. Also the usual apology for forgetting to update. But I was moving into a dorm so I feel like that's a valid excuse.**

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**5\. DON'T talk back to the sorting hat.**

Hogwarts was _massive_. Erik found himself gaping up at the ceiling, trying to find some sort of end to the expanse of stars. He wasn't alone in that-it seemed like all of the other first years who weren't waving at their family members were equally awestruck, whether by solid gold cutlery or the candles floating about.

Or, perhaps, by the ghosts. The ghosts were making Erik wonder.

"It's charmed." Charles said from behind him. "It's meant to be a mimicry of the night sky."

Erik was noticing that Charles had a tendency to speak loudly and in a very authoritative tone.

"How do you know?" asked another student, rather rudely.

"It's in Hogwarts, A History." Charles blinked at the other student. "And that up there is the sorting hat, which assigns you your house, which I think is a bit rubbish-"

"Do you know what was pulling the carriages?" Erik asked abruptly.

A few other students cast him odd looks. The same rather rude first year said, flat out; "Those were enchanted carriages, there isn't _anything_ pulling them."

"Yes there was." Charles said, sounding surprised and a bit confused. It was not a tone Erik had heard him use before. "Those black horses...not pegasi or abraxans, certainly, but they had wings and hooves, so they must be in the alati-equine group."

"There was nothing there." Insisted the other student.

"I saw them." Charles said stubbornly, before Erik could wonder if he'd been hallucinating. "I am completely certain, there was a pair of them before every single carriage."

"Or maybe you had too many sweets on the train." muttered the other student.

"Braddock, Elizabeth!"

"I did not, and you can ask an older student." Charles insisted. Erik was at this point only half paying attention to the sorting ("Lebeau, Remy!").

"I might." The student said with a scowl.

"Or I could look it up in the library for you." Charles suggested. Erik fought the urge to snicker.

"Lehnsherr, Erik!"

The desire to laugh quickly dissipated. Erik nervously walked up to the hat, barely aware of Charles flashing him a smile. The brim of the hat quickly slid over his eyes, plunging Erik into a not quite pleasant world of darkness.

_Hmm. You've got brains, boy._

_I knew that._ Erik thought irritably.

_And some fire. Oh, I like that. You've got some fighting to do...and no particular inclination to do it within the rules, that's going to make life interesting, especially with all that talent._

_Speaking of rules._ This was a good an object to ask as any. _I want to know some things about ghosts-_

_I'm a hat, and not the one to answer that sort of question_

_What do you mean that sort of question, if you've been here since the school was founded you ought to know—_

_Oh, I know just where to put you._

_"_SLYTHERIN!" The hat roared the last word to the entire hall. Erik climbed off the stool, to a decent amount of applause, and went to sit at the Slytherin table, next to the girl who'd helped him with his trunk.

"Welcome to the House." She said. "Emma Frost, your Prefect. If you need something, you come to me."

"Who's that?" Erik nodded down the table, where a bloody ghost was sitting beside a somewhat nervous looking older student.

"The Bloody Baron. He's our house ghost." Emma smirked. "He's in charge of discipline. If you disturb the common room, it's his job to dangle you from the rafters for the next two days."

"So if I want to talk to him I should just stir up some trouble?"

"I was kidding."

"Oh." Erik wondered if it would be polite to move his seat and go sit by the ghost. But then again, Emma was probably full of other useful information. "Do you know what pulls the...just a second."

"Xavier, Charles!" Erik watched Charles hurry up to the stool and eagerly put the hat on his head.

There was silence. Erik frowned as the silence continued, with the hat's brim scrunched up in what might have been exasperation or concentration. The hat fell all the way down to Charles's nose, so it was impossible to see his expression, but Erik saw him shift uncomfortably as the silence stretched on. Erik saw Logan lean over to mutter something to tiny man with white hair sitting next to him, and the little man turn and mutter to the vaguely rumpled woman sitting next to _him_.

Erik felt a rather unusual and alarming surge of compassion.

"GRYFFINDOR!" The hat bellowed. Charles pulled it off his head and hurried down to one of the tables, looking both vaguely miffed and somewhat relieved.

Erik began to clap, and noticed that Emma wasn't. She saw his look.

"We have a slight rivalry with Gryffindor." She said smoothly. "You'll learn soon enough."

Erik watched Charles sit down next to a tall boy and launch into what looked like an interrogation about the carriages.

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**A/N: I did in fact put a ridiculous amount of thought into which houses Erik and Charles would be sorted into, and I stand by my choice. **


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